grouphugs | [meme] christmas means k-i-s-s-i-n-g

[Hey, he has his moments. Barry sits down beside him, a cup of Grandma Esther's prized egg nog in hand. A friendly shoulder nudge.] Well I guess even Legends can get into the holiday spirit?

[See? Not even calling him a hero, even though it's clear he believes as much.]

[There's a smirk as the nudge or being called a Legend. He supposes he can let that one fly.]

More like, forced to come along and behave.

[By Sara and Ray, mostly. Though the others are here and no doubt someone is keeping an eye on him and Rory. He sips his beverage and casts his eyes off around the room. Oliver could throw great parties at least. Though being around all these people is making it really difficult not to fall into old patterns and get into the criminal spirit of the holiday. It'd be so easy to get lost in the crowd and wander off to go steal things.]

Hey, it's not like Ray is trying to rope you into singing carols. [Okay, Barry had caved for one song. Only one, though. There were other people he wanted to spend time with at the party.

And because they're under mistletoe, as Len glances around the room Barry plants a kiss on his cheek.] Merry Christmas, Len.

He did try. I'm sure you can guess how that went.

[He finishes his drink and spares a glance towards the make-shift open bar to debate if he wants to go up for another. It's about then that he's surprised by the gentle and warm press of lips to his cheek, which completely steals his train of thought for all of a few seconds. He blinks back into reality and raises his brows at Barry, the ballsy speedster caught him off guard. At first he's confused, what was that for? Then he looks up and spots the devious little plant above him and rolls his eyes.]

Good to know you're willing to kiss me because a plant says so.

[He moves to get up with the intent of getting a drink and being a party pooper.]

[It isn't often Barry gets to surprise Len like that and he can't help a smile at the expression.] Who said a plant had anything to do with it?

[And as Len gets up to get a fresh drink, he'll feel but not see, a gift being slid into his pocket. He can Grinch it up if he wants to, but Barry is determined to at least try and make it a good night for him.]

[There's A Look to go with the point upwards at the plant as if Len just knows Barry is lying. Even if he isn't. Obviously the plant had everything to do with it. Obviously. As he feels something slip into his pocket he can't help but to shake his head and just softly scoff at the idea that the other flashed something there. Even fast he's no good at being a reverse thief. Or maybe that was the point. He rolls the small box in his fingers a bit, feeling whatever it is move around a bit inside.

He'll return to sit with Barry and fish out the little gift to hold it, perched delicately in his fingertips.]

What is it?

[The point is to open it len...]

[Barry simply gives him a bright smile. The mistletoe might have been an excuse but it sure hadn't been the only reason he'd kissed his cheek.] It's called a Christmas gift, Len. The point is to open the thing. [The box is small, but it holds a couple of gifts for him. A new silver ring etched in frost-like fractals and a fairly nice watch considering what a CSI can afford.]

[Another Look goes here and he'll just sigh, turning the box over in his fingers, debating just handing it back.]

And here I am without anything to give to you.

[Which comes out somewhat smarmy and smart, but he is serious. He didn't even consider the idea that anyone would get him anything. So he never thought to get gifts for anyone. Not that he'd actually BUY anything either. He'll set his drink aside and pick at the wrapping and bow, undoing everything carefully, keeping it in tact instead of just ripping it to shreds.

He pulls out the ring, brows knitted a little in curiosity, as if trying to decipher some deeper meaning to this gift. Is there something you're not telling him Barry? He slips it on from one finger to the next till it fits on a pinky. It's snug enough it won't slip off, but loose enough he can toy with it idly with this thumb. Next is the watch, which is a surprising thing considering he's pretty sure Barry had to have spent a good portion of his savings on it. In other words...]

You... really shouldn't have...

[There's a touch of concern and a bit of a depreciating tone angled more at himself. He doesn't deserve this. Barry should be spending his hard earned money on his friends and family. His loved ones. Not some... criminal rival.]

That's not the point. [Barry can't help the way he nervously bites at his knuckle as Len opens the gift, considers the ring for a long moment before slipping it on.

A roll of his shoulder.] I know. But I wanted to, and it's not like I'm expecting anything in return.

Merry Christmas, Len. [A smile and another kiss on his cheek.]

[It's a truly odd sensation. Gifts of value like this wouldn't normally be given to him without reason or price. He's so used to people expecting things in return. And the affection... the warmth... These things that never seemed to be for him. None of this was meant for him. He didn't deserve it. And yet here it was.

He closes his eyes with a soft sigh, sounding as though he's giving in and being defeated more than anything. He doesn't know what to say. It's strange. What does this mean? Is he over-thinking it? They just seemed like something you'd only give to someone special. Especially when he knows that as a CSI Barry isn't exactly the most wealthy person in the world. A ring and a watch? This is something you gift to a significant other. But maybe it's innocent...

Or maybe part of it is something in himself hoping it means something more. A part he's going to just keep on denying, for now...]

Right, so, are you going to tell me where the tracking device is in the watch? Or am I going to have to take it apart myself? Maybe the ring will ping my location to you?

[He waggles his pinky. Of course the best way to cover up his feelings is to joke about it. Why else give him gifts other than to keep tabs on him? Keep him on a leash of sorts. Obviously this is Barry's ulterior motive.]

[Barry doesn't take offense. He knows Len, knows how he tends to deflect and find ways to get around messy things like sentimentality. So he just rolls his eyes and gives him another nudge with his shoulder.]

No tracking device, no electronics of any kind. They're just gifts Len.

[Crap. Did he overstep? Is it too much?]

You don't like them?

[He has to back step a bit as he realizes now the kid is worried he messed up.]

No. It's fine.

[He idly slips the watch on his wrist and fixes it in place. Anything so he didn't have to look up and make any sort of eye contact.]

I just... [Just what? How does he even explain this?]

I'm usually on Santa's naughty list. I don't get gifts.

[He's kind of awkward about all of this because he genuinely just doesn't know how to handle someone being nice to him and showing him affection or little gestures like gifts. His sister was the only person in his life that ever showed him anything close to it, but she's family. That's different. They grew up and survived together. Even things with Mick, he may have bonded with the Pyro, but it wasn't anything close to affectionate. No stranger had ever reached out a hand. No person ever took time to see his potential and try to encourage him to change. To be a better person. To show him he could have normal things like love. And that it wouldn't come at a price.]

You barely know me and yet... This is something more than what you just give to an acquaintance. I know for a fact these items cost you a pretty penny. [A pause, fingers fiddling with the watch band.]

More than I'm worth.

[Barry's smile softens a bit as Len puts the watch on. He'd been so worried that the watch would be too much, that it would spook Len into bolting.

There's another smile as he reaches to take his hand, more than ready to back off if the contact is unwelcome.

All he wanted that year was to show Len that he was special, that he was worth it. That Barry cared about him.] Well. It turns out that Legends who saved the timeline kind of get a pass from Santa.

You're worth it Len. I promise. I.. I wanted you to have a good Christmas.

[His eyes fall on the hand that grasps his and he swallows softly. He's pretty sure there's a lot more going on than just wanting to give him a good christmas. And if there isn't, then his heart and brain are getting mixed signals and he needs to go sort himself out.]

Right, well thanks, it's the thought that counts.

[He slips his hand free of Barrys to pat his hand gently before standing and making his retreat. He's going to make an attempt to slip through the crowd and outside immediately. Maybe he just needs the cool, fresh air to clear his head.]

[Len might beat a hasty enough retreat to miss the suddenly crestfallen expression on Barry's face - but Mick catches it and with a frustrated growl, he follows Snart outside.]

Really Snart? The kid is all but throwing himself at you and you walk away?

[He sighs, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the wall. He'll open his eyes to watch his breath in the cold air.]

It's a mistake, Mick. [Maybe the kids smitten with him. And it's not that Len didn't want him. But Barry can do so much better than him. The speedster deserved better than some ex-criminal.]

You and I both know this is a bad idea.

[He's only going to end up hurting Barry. He's going to fail him. He's going to screw it up. Things like this weren't meant for guys like him. Even so, Barry is the Flash, and he's just a lousy ex-con.]

Ignoring it is a mistake, you idiot. [Mick blows out a breath as he takes up a position near him against the cool brick.]

He could be good for you. And you're an idiot for running away from it.

Or I could be the death of him.

[He makes a noise that starts a groan and becomes a soft growl of frustration.]

Why the hell do you care? Let it go.

You've been hung up on the guy since the first time he kicked your ass. I know it, Lisa knows it, only problem is you won't admit it.

[He cares because Len is his partner and his friend. Not that he'll admit either.]

Besides, I'm getting sick of you mooning after him. It's annoying.

[He's not sure when this feeling settled in. When he started to crave something from someone else. When he started to feel lonely. 40something and he's never really had a relationship. He's got Mick. He's got his Sister. His family. And for a time that's all that mattered. That's all he needed even when they all went their separate ways. He met Barry, he had his fun as the Flash and Captain Cold. He got caught and for the first time, someone believed in him, even when he wouldn't believe in himself.

So he became a Legend. He ran through time with a new team and let Sara in. He and Mick had their problems, he nearly lost his best friend. But you never realize how much someone means to you until you really lose them. This time, there was the risk that Mick would never come back. So Len fought and he lost a hand doing it, but he saved Mick. They fixed things the best that they could. It would take time but here they were. And over time he began to feel things and he took a chance on Sara, only to be shot down. He should've seen it coming though, she was more interested in women. He was too much of a jerk. She deserved better anyway.

Just how he's telling himself that Barry deserves better. And yet... he can't get this feeling to go away. He's been so used to being cold to survive. He just automatically responds to things to protect himself, and others, to keep people at an arms length and to just be a jerk because that's what he's used to. He doesn't have to keep doing that to himself and it's a hard habit to shake. Especially when he thinks so little of himself. The Ego is just for show, to appear strong when he knows just how much of a worthless criminal he is.

But Barry saw more. Still does. Still believes in him and wants to care about him and Len doesn't know what to do with that. Or if he does he's afraid to. He's afraid to disappoint him or to hurt him. And for a brief moment his dad is yelling at him and calling him pathetic. The man may have been an abusive asshole and so far removed from anything Barry is, but he loved the guy just as much as he hated him. He always pined for the way things might have been, which is part of what led him to join the Legends in the first place.

He wanted to change things, to see if he could be something better. To start from the beginning and make himself a better person. But that's not how things work. And he just has to realize that he needs to start with himself, right here, right now if he wants to make something better out of his life. Becoming a Legend, helping to save the timeline was a start. And maybe Barry was the next step. Especially if he just can't shake these thoughts or feelings.

But he can't do this here or now. Not like this. He needs to get his head together.]

It ain't that simple.

[He turns to head home. Mick can stay at the party and do the damage control for the kid. He needs to figure himself out. He needs time and space to try and decipher what he really wants, what his heart is telling him. He needs to try and find the confidence in himself and take that leap. It's a much bigger leap than with Sara that's for sure. He's not used to this. He's not used to surrendering to his feelings like this and it's uncomfortable. It doesn't suit him. But he can't keep pushing people away. Especially when he wants it.

So when he gets home he gets a shower in hopes it'll clear his head. Then he lays in bed staring at the ceiling, turning the ring on his pinky with his thumb in thought. He'll peer at the new watch, then the ceiling then back to the watch, counting down the minutes and just drowning. He can't stop thinking about Barry, about everything. How the kid changed him. How he kept trying to get close to him, to be his friend, to show him kindness. It was awkward and sort of uncomfortable, but it wasn't bad. It was something he'd been missing all his life. And he hurt him. He disappointed him just as he was worried he'd do.

He could fix it though.

For a moment he stopped thinking. Stopped listening to how his brain wanted to over process everything. He picked up his phone and he texted barry a time and a place. Then he got up and he left. It was the middle of the night, the party would be drawing to a close as people stumbled home to sleep. Len went to the one place he would always go in central city to clear his head, to stand in the cool breeze and think. It was a comforting place for him, a place only he, Mick and Lisa knew about. Or at least, his sister and his partner would always know where to find him when he needed space and went for a walk.]

[Mick didn't have to worry too much about damage control. Barry simply shook it off, reassured him that it was okay and that he was fine. He wasn't, they both knew that, but it got Mick off the hook from any further awkward attempts to tell him that his partner is a complete idiot and maybe he'll come around.

It's fine. Really. It had been a risk, giving Len gifts like that, daring to reach out and kiss his cheek and it had backfired on him. Maybe Len just didn't look at him the same way, or maybe he just didn't want anything beyond the odd almost-friendship that they'd developed since the Waverider had come back from saving the timeline.

Maybe Oliver was right. Guys like them don't get the girl, or in this case, the guy. But he'll be okay. Barry was starting to get used to people walking away from him. He won't ever stop caring about Len, won't ever stop wanting him to realize that there is so much good in him, that he deserves to be happy. He can still be his friend, be that voice that reminds him of those things.

Barry lingers at the party a while longer before slipping out, losing himself in a run to try and clear his head. The text comes as he's finishing off another sandwich in his apartment and while it's confusing as hell, Barry texts an affirmative and races off to meet Len.]

[Len is sitting under a sakura tree that has long since lost it's flowers. He's got his parka pulled in tight around him and zipped up, hood covering his buzzed head from the brisk and cold breeze coming in off the water. Not many people frequented the park in winter, let alone at night. But this is where he liked to go for some peace and quiet, to think and set himself straight. He looked out over the water and the reflection of the city on the surface, waiting, thinking and not wanting to run away before Barry arrived. That had to count for something.

Sure enough the speedster shows up on time and there's room on his bench for another.]

I used to come out here a lot when I needed time to think.

[He starts, eyes still cast out over the city and the bridge just up the way.]

I'd think about the next job, go over the plans in my head, or just come out here to stop thinking. To just shut off and clear everything out so I could start fresh. To give myself a moment of quiet and find where I need to go from here or what I really want.

[Blue eyes turn to look up at the speedster, a light glint in them and a small lopsided smile.]

Edited 2016-12-13 17:42 (UTC)

[Barry doesn't make it to the park as often as he'd like anymore, but the spot that Len selected is pretty. The light sparkling off the water and the sound of the wind stirring the branches above them, it's nice and he's glad that Len reached out to share it with him. He sits down beside him, shoving his hands in his pockets and resisting the urge to tuck in closer to stay warm.]

It's a nice place. [He shivers a little.] I can see why you like it.

[And then Len turns his attention back to him, that small smile sending his pulse skittering and his stomach into freefall.] Yeah? And what did you find?

[It's good to note he's still wearing the ring and the watch. As Barry sits with him he'll shift his position some. He's already looking comfortable, one knee crossed over the other. But he'll stretch one arm over the back of bench as Barry joins him, sort of opening up the space between them, making an invisible bubble for just the pair of them. It's a silent invitation should the speedster eventually get too cold.

His blue eyes lift to the cloudy and dark sky above as he searches for an answer.]

When I shut down my rampant thoughts it helps to focus. So I can get a better grasp of my gut feelings about something that might be eluding me.

[Like his feelings in general and sorting them all out. He knows what his brain is trying to warn him about, he can hear all the reasons screaming at him not to pursue this. But his heart and his gut feeling are winning out over the bad vibes right now.

Long fingers tap the wood behind Barry's right shoulder in a light, thoughtful rhythm. Maybe he's still a little nervous about this, though he appears fairly calm compared to earlier. He takes a deep breath and tries to figure out the words to say or how to actually answer the other and not just give him some story hinting at what he's been doing since he left the party.]

I'm sorry... about how I acted earlier.

[Apologies are hard, ok?

He tilts his head and notes the way the others shoulders are drawn in and or how he shivers slightly.]

Are you cold?

[He unzips his parka.]

You can come closer, I won't bite.

Edited (last edit I swear, WORDING WHAT IS) 2016-12-13 20:48 (UTC)

[It does help to see that glint of silver, the dark blue face of the watch peeking out from the sleeve of his parka. His posture is open and inviting, wanting Barry there rather than simply tolerating him.

He turns a little more towards him, focusing on Len's words and letting him find his way to the conclusion he's trying to make.] It's okay. It was probably a little much, especially at a party like that. [An abashed smile because yeah, he should have thought about that.

And he's trying hard not to shiver, but the breeze off the water is frigid.] Yes. God yes.

[He doesn't go as far as sliding his arms around Len and burrowing into the parka, but he does crowd in closer with a small smile.]

Thanks. Guess I brought the wrong jacket.

[meme] christmas means k-i-s-s-i-n-g

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)