[He's not sure when this feeling settled in. When he started to crave something from someone else. When he started to feel lonely. 40something and he's never really had a relationship. He's got Mick. He's got his Sister. His family. And for a time that's all that mattered. That's all he needed even when they all went their separate ways. He met Barry, he had his fun as the Flash and Captain Cold. He got caught and for the first time, someone believed in him, even when he wouldn't believe in himself.
So he became a Legend. He ran through time with a new team and let Sara in. He and Mick had their problems, he nearly lost his best friend. But you never realize how much someone means to you until you really lose them. This time, there was the risk that Mick would never come back. So Len fought and he lost a hand doing it, but he saved Mick. They fixed things the best that they could. It would take time but here they were. And over time he began to feel things and he took a chance on Sara, only to be shot down. He should've seen it coming though, she was more interested in women. He was too much of a jerk. She deserved better anyway.
Just how he's telling himself that Barry deserves better. And yet... he can't get this feeling to go away. He's been so used to being cold to survive. He just automatically responds to things to protect himself, and others, to keep people at an arms length and to just be a jerk because that's what he's used to. He doesn't have to keep doing that to himself and it's a hard habit to shake. Especially when he thinks so little of himself. The Ego is just for show, to appear strong when he knows just how much of a worthless criminal he is.
But Barry saw more. Still does. Still believes in him and wants to care about him and Len doesn't know what to do with that. Or if he does he's afraid to. He's afraid to disappoint him or to hurt him. And for a brief moment his dad is yelling at him and calling him pathetic. The man may have been an abusive asshole and so far removed from anything Barry is, but he loved the guy just as much as he hated him. He always pined for the way things might have been, which is part of what led him to join the Legends in the first place.
He wanted to change things, to see if he could be something better. To start from the beginning and make himself a better person. But that's not how things work. And he just has to realize that he needs to start with himself, right here, right now if he wants to make something better out of his life. Becoming a Legend, helping to save the timeline was a start. And maybe Barry was the next step. Especially if he just can't shake these thoughts or feelings.
But he can't do this here or now. Not like this. He needs to get his head together.]
It ain't that simple.
[He turns to head home. Mick can stay at the party and do the damage control for the kid. He needs to figure himself out. He needs time and space to try and decipher what he really wants, what his heart is telling him. He needs to try and find the confidence in himself and take that leap. It's a much bigger leap than with Sara that's for sure. He's not used to this. He's not used to surrendering to his feelings like this and it's uncomfortable. It doesn't suit him. But he can't keep pushing people away. Especially when he wants it.
So when he gets home he gets a shower in hopes it'll clear his head. Then he lays in bed staring at the ceiling, turning the ring on his pinky with his thumb in thought. He'll peer at the new watch, then the ceiling then back to the watch, counting down the minutes and just drowning. He can't stop thinking about Barry, about everything. How the kid changed him. How he kept trying to get close to him, to be his friend, to show him kindness. It was awkward and sort of uncomfortable, but it wasn't bad. It was something he'd been missing all his life. And he hurt him. He disappointed him just as he was worried he'd do.
He could fix it though.
For a moment he stopped thinking. Stopped listening to how his brain wanted to over process everything. He picked up his phone and he texted barry a time and a place. Then he got up and he left. It was the middle of the night, the party would be drawing to a close as people stumbled home to sleep. Len went to the one place he would always go in central city to clear his head, to stand in the cool breeze and think. It was a comforting place for him, a place only he, Mick and Lisa knew about. Or at least, his sister and his partner would always know where to find him when he needed space and went for a walk.]
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So he became a Legend. He ran through time with a new team and let Sara in. He and Mick had their problems, he nearly lost his best friend. But you never realize how much someone means to you until you really lose them. This time, there was the risk that Mick would never come back. So Len fought and he lost a hand doing it, but he saved Mick. They fixed things the best that they could. It would take time but here they were. And over time he began to feel things and he took a chance on Sara, only to be shot down. He should've seen it coming though, she was more interested in women. He was too much of a jerk. She deserved better anyway.
Just how he's telling himself that Barry deserves better. And yet... he can't get this feeling to go away. He's been so used to being cold to survive. He just automatically responds to things to protect himself, and others, to keep people at an arms length and to just be a jerk because that's what he's used to. He doesn't have to keep doing that to himself and it's a hard habit to shake. Especially when he thinks so little of himself. The Ego is just for show, to appear strong when he knows just how much of a worthless criminal he is.
But Barry saw more. Still does. Still believes in him and wants to care about him and Len doesn't know what to do with that. Or if he does he's afraid to. He's afraid to disappoint him or to hurt him. And for a brief moment his dad is yelling at him and calling him pathetic. The man may have been an abusive asshole and so far removed from anything Barry is, but he loved the guy just as much as he hated him. He always pined for the way things might have been, which is part of what led him to join the Legends in the first place.
He wanted to change things, to see if he could be something better. To start from the beginning and make himself a better person. But that's not how things work. And he just has to realize that he needs to start with himself, right here, right now if he wants to make something better out of his life. Becoming a Legend, helping to save the timeline was a start. And maybe Barry was the next step. Especially if he just can't shake these thoughts or feelings.
But he can't do this here or now. Not like this. He needs to get his head together.]
It ain't that simple.
[He turns to head home. Mick can stay at the party and do the damage control for the kid. He needs to figure himself out. He needs time and space to try and decipher what he really wants, what his heart is telling him. He needs to try and find the confidence in himself and take that leap. It's a much bigger leap than with Sara that's for sure. He's not used to this. He's not used to surrendering to his feelings like this and it's uncomfortable. It doesn't suit him. But he can't keep pushing people away. Especially when he wants it.
So when he gets home he gets a shower in hopes it'll clear his head. Then he lays in bed staring at the ceiling, turning the ring on his pinky with his thumb in thought. He'll peer at the new watch, then the ceiling then back to the watch, counting down the minutes and just drowning. He can't stop thinking about Barry, about everything. How the kid changed him. How he kept trying to get close to him, to be his friend, to show him kindness. It was awkward and sort of uncomfortable, but it wasn't bad. It was something he'd been missing all his life. And he hurt him. He disappointed him just as he was worried he'd do.
He could fix it though.
For a moment he stopped thinking. Stopped listening to how his brain wanted to over process everything. He picked up his phone and he texted barry a time and a place. Then he got up and he left. It was the middle of the night, the party would be drawing to a close as people stumbled home to sleep. Len went to the one place he would always go in central city to clear his head, to stand in the cool breeze and think. It was a comforting place for him, a place only he, Mick and Lisa knew about. Or at least, his sister and his partner would always know where to find him when he needed space and went for a walk.]